Take a look at Danyaal Hasan’s ‘contribution’ below and please check out his brilliant Blog @ http://writeofleft.wordpress.com/
Excuse my Rant, and my French!
So the Champions Trophy is over for Pakistan but the hangover continues. It feels like running out of tequila at a Shoaib Akhtar and Meera joint press conference. Oh God please no!
My problem isn’t the fact that we lost to a weakened New Zealand team, a country that plays its cricket on ‘Australian Football’ fields no less. My expectations were already surpassed having beaten India and almost Australia so the semi final was a bonus. It isn’t the ghastly batting display we put up either. We were due a reunion with normality and it came. It isn’t even Rana Naved and Umar Gul’s bowling, which incidentally could benefit respectively from going back to bald and retiring to T20. And it definitely isn’t the umpiring. If we refer Umar Akmal’s decision to the third umpire then we do the same with Suresh Raina’s a few days earlier. Decisions ultimately even out, just as they did here.
My problem instead is that in spite of all this we had an opportunity to win and Captain Happy dropped it. Can someone please explain to me how you drop something that Pamela Anderson could have bounced off both her silicone plated breasts and still catch in her belly button? My love hate relationship (purely plutonic) with Happy aside, this is a fuck up of such gigantic proportions that it puts the “venereal warts” incident to Hameed Dogar losing his pants shame.
To top it all, he is trying to incriminate the broken finger? To quote Happy, “This is life. It’s a matter of playing for the nation with a broken finger and that same finger, unfortunately, dropped the catch”. No you verbal diarrhea’d out moron. The ‘finger’ didn’t drop anything. You dropped it because you decided to catch the cricket ball like a dip shit. And this isn’t life. Life is female bombshells with tight arses, lesbian tendencies, and chocolate chip cookies, not hellish catastrophes.
And Happy, understand this also. If you are going to insist on being a dick then at least stop batting like a pussy. 2009 is nearly over. You have played 16 innings and only scored 2 fifties, averaging less than 25. You did fuck all this tournament and you’ve done just about that in your career so far. Grow a pair quickly and score some runs for your country.
Also while you’re at it, do the following:
(1) Feed Imran Nazir to either an alligator or Inti, who ever comes first. Either way, make sure you provide proof that he will never set foot in a cricket stadium again.
(2) Tell Umar Gul he is shit, over rated, and shit. 12 wickets in the last 10 ODIs. I rest my case.
(3) Go rent the movie Hancock and watch the scene where Will Smith shoves someone’s head into someone else’s ass. Now go do the same to Rana.
(4) Make some sense when you speak. If you know that there is no way you are going to accomplish this then just stick to smiling and praising God.
To rest of the cricket team I missed out on, apart from Mohammad Aamer and Umar Akmal, fuck you too! Also apart from Saeed Ajmal. You’re ok as well.